so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
this is an emotional support booty call
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
