Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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