im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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