Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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