So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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