When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
