If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize