Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
