When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
