you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize