is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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