I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
