I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"