there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"