The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos