you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
