the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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