only if we run a train.
done.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
