I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize