I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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