Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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