I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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