even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
