He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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