you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
