How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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