You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
