If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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