You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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