Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
