He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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