Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize