Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
