As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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