I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize