I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
