I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
