Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
