What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
