I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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