This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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