After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
