how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
