brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I heard we made out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
