I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
