so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
