Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He has the fingertips of a God
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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