I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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