I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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