New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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