That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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