Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
