Got a toothbrush?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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