im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
