i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
