I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my vag is so smooth its legendary
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
