please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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