Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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