dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize