I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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