Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
