new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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