My girlfriend figured out who you are.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
