where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you win again, gameday.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize