all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
