don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
