i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
