Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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