I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
