Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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