I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
